Monthly Archives: November 2003

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I am a furniture moving Goddess!!

The backstory: My mother gave me a television for free, but it only has one coax input on the back for cable subscribers. By itself, it gets no channels here in MAYBERRY. I bought a splitter for my Playstation 2 and hooked up a VCR through that and used the television in the living room as a gaming center/movie drone. However, the whole rig was sitting on a folding card table, and that’s not very practical.

Tonight, I wondered what I already had laying around the house that could be used to set up this contraption. I wandered out on to the enclosed back porch/storage room and discovered the very item I needed! In 1993, I’d gone to an estate auction and purchased an old, green, enamel/spatterware gas stove. It has been sitting over the top of a cistern cover for the past ten years.

I got out a large, unopened bag of cedar chips and tipped the stove over on to it. It was too heavy to push, since the feet would gouge the hardwood floor. But, on the bag, I could scoot it through the kitchen, dining room and hallway into the living room. Once I got in there, I relocated the television, VCR, PS2 and surge protector onto the stove. I added an antenna and ran the TV signal through the VCR. Voila! Television Viewing Perfection!

Now I can use the oven part of the stove for movie storage and the bread warming part for game storage. It is a thing of beauty. I only wonder why I didn’t think to use the stove in this capacity ten years ago.

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Raccoon update: Still there.

In other news, I figured out how to Hot Sync the Palm at home, so now I upload blog photos, even on weekends! w00t! Now I can show you what kept me sane at the big soiree on Friday afternoon:

A very tastefully decorated bathroom, no? Personally, I would have stashed the Cottonelle wet wipers, but that’s me.

I also got a picture in the “girls” bathroom. There were painted stencils all over the room. Very Martha Stewart.

The event Friday was actually catered, and the food was delicious. Kitchen prep and clean-up staff were there to take care of your every need. The furniture in the living room is probably worth more than all the furniture in my entire house. It was all very swanky.

In case anyone thought I was exaggerating, here’s a picture of the immensely large dog.

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I went up to the Movie Place and returned L.A. Confidential, then picked up Blow with Johnny Depp. Now there’s a really good movie. Seriously.

This evening, I drove into town to check on CK’s place while she is out of town. No one had jacked open her door and no water pipes had burst, so it was a tame visit.

When I got back home, there was a dead raccoon in the driveway. Gross. I parked in the street, since I didn’t want to drive over the top of it. I am hoping some hungry predator-type animal will stop by in the night and take away the carcass.

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Last night, I thought I’d sleep upstairs, just to be different. This morning, I dismantled an old brass bed from upstairs and hauled it to the curb. An hour later, there was a knock at the door and a guy asked me if he could have the bed. I said yes and he came back with three other men and a truck that had a flatbed trailer on the back. It took four men to hoist the thing onto the trailer, yet I’d taken it down a flight of stairs and the porch steps on my own. Even more puzzling, they drove down the street to the house three doors down and backed the truck into the driveway! If they were just taking the thing three houses away, why didn’t they just carry it??

It started snowing yesterday and kept at it all through the night. This morning, there was about an inch of snow on the ground, but by noon it had melted in areas that received full sun. Kids were outside having fun, throwing snowballs at each other and screaming up and down the street.

I have to write about 30,000 words to finish up my NaNoWriMo story before tomorrow at midnight. Bwa-hahahaha!!!

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I just spent two and a half painful hours at the house of “distant relatives”. Time seemed to stand still, and it was as if I spent seven years there. It was like Star Trek – The Next Generation Episode 125, called The Inner Light, where Captain Picard has his mind taken over and he thinks he is living out his life on another planet. In reality, his body is on the floor of his spaceship and not much time passes. In his mind, he gets married, has kids, grows old, etc. That was me.

Part of the problem was that I don’t see these people often enough to know what to talk about with them, so I watched football on television. I answered questions about “how my parents were getting on” several times and went back for seconds in order to seem like I was busy eating.

Another part of the problem is that they have a giant dog. No, really. It’s a Great Dane and is very huge. I’d prefer to stay away from dogs, even if their owners claim that they are kind and gentle. Yes, I have issues with dogs. I can’t find a breed that I am happy with. If I were to own a dog (ha!), it couldn’t be too large or too small, or too loud, or too happy to lick or bite me, or need a lot of daily running. Therefore, I have cats. We have an understanding. Plus, they’re the perfect size.

I think I need a nap to regain my strength.

It slices! It dices! It dismembers!

Painful Lesson Learned: If you own a sharp , serrated knife similar to Chef Tony’s Miracle Blade Slicer, and you use it to slice up a tomato (because none of your other knives can slice the tomato skin), please keep your thumb out of the way. The knife can’t tell the difference between the skin of a tomato and the skin of your thumb. On the flip side, you won’t be able to tell if that’s blood or tomato juice, so just hold it all under some running water before the burning starts.

I’ll Yoplait Whip you if you keep searching for the fluffy one

Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers in the United States! To everyone else, Happy Last Thursday of November!

I plan to stay home and fix food that I like to eat. Tomorrow, I’ll travel to someone else’s house for the traditional dry turkey, overcooked green beans, dessicated dressing balls, etc. These people can only be described as “distant family members”, and I’d prefer to keep them that way.

For those of you who found this site because you were searching for a recipe that would tell you how to cook macaroni with Velveeta on the stove top, I say to you, STOP! Don’t do it!! Don’t fix anything with Velveeta in it. Ever.

For those of you who found this site because you were searching for ways to pick up wireless signals with a Pringle’s can, I say to you, Cheap Bastard. Just buy a dang wireless card and get on with your life.

For those of you who found this site because you were searching for a Tobishi television, you’ll have to contact my mother. Sorry.

Finally, for those of you who found this site because you were searching for the Yoplait Whips commercial song, I say to you: You’re my little fluffy one!

In all his glory

Crazy American film censors need to rethink their priorities.