Monthly Archives: April 2004

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Tonight, we went to the small town in the next county to see what was playing at their movie theater. Nothing good was showing, so we decided to drive around and find a local, non-chain restaurant where we could eat. We found a place on Main Street and I read off the Specials from the board out front (Prime Rib, All-You-Can-Eat Catfish) and he said we should stop.

We went inside and the place was wall-to-wall with customers. All the entrees came with a choice of potato, plus soup and salad bar. I got a baked sweet potato, but I saw some plates go by with homemade potato chips that looked scrumptious. The salad bar had all sorts of homemade salads with no names, and the soup of the day was white bean. It was all delicious. I was too busy devouring the food to take a picture, but I will the next time we go.

He: How long has this restaurant been here?
Waitress: Since 1910, sir.

After the waitress left, he said to me, “That’s almost a hundred effing years!” I told him that I was going to blog that he said that to the waitress and that we’d gotten thrown out for vulgar behavior. When we left, we looked at the building and “Since 1910” was written in giant letters over the name of the place.

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Wacky Work Conversation #1:

The Boss: Since you’ll be sitting near this new projector, I need for you to put the lens cap on it each night when we close.

CK: The projector that’s hanging from the ceiling?

The Boss: Yes.

CK: I’m not climbing up there every night to put on a lens cap.

The Boss: I didn’t say you had to climb up on anything. I just said you had to get the cap on.

CK: How am I supposed to get up there?

The Boss: Hover? Or you could borrow my mother-in-law’s broom.

Me: Maybe you can get out your telescoping pole and use that.

CK: How did you find out about my telescoping pole? Were you rifling through my Marital Aids drawer again?

The Boss: …

Wacky Work Conversation #2:

CK: I thought there used to be a chair here in your office.

Me: There was, but The Boss took it out because too many people were using it to sit in and loaf.

The Boss: It’s true.

CK: Are you accusing me of loafing in here?

The Boss: No, I’m saying that I had to take the chair out because Scooterdeb attracts a rough crowd in here.

Me: It’s because I can’t say no.

The Boss: That’s a different discussion that we can’t have, since we went to the Diversity and harassment Training yesterday.

Me: …

Wacky Work Conversation #3:

The Boss: Here’s your new phone for your desk. You’ll be extension 230.

Me: That used to be Sofa King’s extension.

CK: Gee, thanks. By the way, this phone is dirty.

The Boss: It’s been sitting unused for two years.

CK: WTF is up with you people always giving me filthy crap-laden stuff to clean up before I can use it?!

The Boss: At least there’s not mustard all over it.

CK: …

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Tomorrow is the Kentucky Derby, also billed as “The Most Exciting Two Minutes in Sports”. I’ll leave that statement there for the euphemism spotters.

I admit to having a collection of Derby glasses on display in my kitchen cabinet. It’s like anything else that people collect… once another person finds out you collect something, that’s ALL you get on gift-giving occasions. Since it’s a seasonal event, though, there IS a limit to the amount of the same glass that people can give me, and if anyone asks, “Got yer Derby glass, yet?” I can always say yes. My mother is practical about the matter and only buys me one AFTER the Derby has been run, because “they drop in price almost immediately up at Walgreen’s”, she says.

While I have been to the track at Churchill Downs, I’ve never attended the Derby. I just have no desire to sit in the infield mud and get sunburned while drunken revelers trip over me, spill their alcoholic beverages, and/or lose control of their bodily functions. I can stay home and do that for free.

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I got a new cell phone on Tuesday night to replace the one that got accidentally water-logged in my commode back in January. The service is through Cingular, so I was browsing ringtones on their website this afternoon. I had no idea there was a market for people who want to hear William Hung singing “She Bangs” or “Rocket Man” or ANYthing else each time they are receiving a call.

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Work Weirdness:

1) Yesterday, I had to attend an hour-long Diversity Training class given by HR because some jackholes in our division had gotten caught mouthing off about personal attributes based on gender, age, ethnicity, health status, etc. Instead of just disciplining the offenders, the entire division was punished. CK came back from the first class and said that the was personally offended by the presenter. When I went, I sat in an aisle seat and daydreamed. Mostly, I got caught up staring at a painted mural behind the presenter. The scene showed several horses drinking from a stream out in a grassy field, with a fence and several trees strategically placed for interest. The shadows that the horses cast were at a different angle from the shadows that the trees cast, and it disturbed me to think that my company probably paid a zillion dollars for this “art” that wouldn’t have gotten juried into the local art fair because of the technical incompetence of the painter.

2) This morning, The Boss introduced me to our new temp. He is a tall young man, with 70’s Show hair. He is wearing a white polo shirt and khakis, neither of which has ever seen an iron. I give him three, four days, tops before he figures out what’s going on around here and bolts.

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My order from Amazon arrived! I got the first season of Green Acres on DVD. All 32 episodes are mine, all mine!

I’m off to scoop out a bowl full of cherry cordial ice cream and fire up the DVD player.

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It’s time once again for Wednesday Wreck of the Week!

I’m sure the old “wet street caused my brakes to fail and I mashed the rear end of the car in front of me” excuse was used instead of the truth (which would include not paying attention, fiddling with the radio stations, chatting on cell phone, juggling burger, fries and drink, yelling and/or swatting at rowdy children in the back, putting on makeup and being consumed with rage-o-hol).

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I sent my last payment in to the Discover Card people to pay off my account last month. I logged in today to double-check that they’d received it, and was stoked to learn that my account has ZERO balance. w00t!!!