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Morning at a Tulsa drug store…

Me: I’ve looked in every aisle, but can’t find the Sudafed.

Pharmacist: We keep it back here.

Me: Isn’t it an over-the-counter medication?

Pharmacist: Oklahoma regulates it.

Me: Can I get a package without a prescription?

Pharmacist: Yes, but I’ll need to see a photo I.D. and enter you into our database of Sudafed buyers. Then you have to sign a form stating that you won’t purchase more than nine grams per month, and that information is sent to the state so all drug stores can access it.

Me: That’s marvelous. I just need the smallest generic box you have.

Pharmacist: There’s the 96-pack and then there’s a 24-pack.

Me: The 24-pack will be enough until I get out of Oklahoma.

Pharmacist: Now, some other states regulate the sale of it, too.

Me: Yes, but they may not have blooming sycamore trees that cause my eyes to swell up.

Pharmacist: Oh, you’re using this stuff because you have allergies!

Me: …

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