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Ways to know if you’re in Los Angeles, as opposed to any other place in the United States:

1) When you finally crack under the ramped up glare of the sun (which is eight times its usual size and wattage) and wander past a sunglasses kiosk, the clerk won’t allow you to choose a pair until he’s Done Your Colors so your purchase will be All You.

2) When you want to apply for a job, but have to provide the exact time, day, month, year and place of your birth so that your Chart can be mapped out before you’re determined to be compatible enough with the rest of the staff to get even an interview.

3) When you stroll past a yard sale and the cheapest item is tagged at $400 cash.
3a) When people are milling around in their bathrobes at the same yard sale.

4) When a Lotus, a Maserati, a Lamborghini AND a Ferarri all cut you off in traffic on the 405 *on the same day*.

5) When Personal Flower Essence Consultations are always available in the convenience of your own home.

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