Monthly Archives: October 2005

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My friend Ami Noblog was telling me about the nightmare job interviews she’s been having lately. She’s ridiculously talented and has years of publishing and public relations experience, so you’d think it’d be a snap to step in to a plush new job. The obstacles seem to come in the form of incompetent hiring officials, who sometimes double as The Boss of the position. They just don’t know what they’re missing when they offer her tens of thousands of dollars less than she’s worth (and currently making!).

Interviewer: What I need is someone who can hit the ground running without any training. Someone who can take charge and step in to run the place. And I need that person to know APA Style backwards and forwards.

AN: Haha! Don’t you mean you need someone who knows APA Style backward and forward?

Interviewer: …

AN: …

Interviewer: …

AN: I’ll get me coat.

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CK: Hello?

Me: I just thought I’d call you so I can share this moment with someone who’ll care.

CK: What are you doing?

Me: I’m rollerblading on the boardwalk in Venice.

CK: I’m putting this down as another reason I hate you.

Me: And now I’m rollerblading on the boardwalk in Venice while talking on a cell phone.

CK: Are you wearing cutoff shorts and a midriff-baring top?

Me: No, because I’m not a tourist.

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I’m sure there are hundreds of radio stations that broadcast in the metro Los Angeles area, but the electric antenna on my car doesn’t work, so I only receive about ten of them. Of the ten, only two come in clearly without much static.

One of them is KCRW, a public radio station out of Santa Monica College. I usually listen to it on the way to work in the morning and on the way back home in the evening. As my regular readers know, I go through phases of NOT listening to NPR because all their broadcasts start to sound the same, no matter what the day. Every morning of late, I can be assured to hear a story about how the President sucks and everything that’s wrong in the world is his own personal fault.

To me, broadcasting this information daily shouldn’t count as “news”, because they say the same thing over and over. It’s as if a new radio station came online and all they ever talked about was how much Spam (the luncheon “meat”) sucks. People who already think Spam sucks don’t need to be reminded of it on a daily basis. Who are they trying so hard to convince? People who like Spam start to think they’re the only ones who like it, even though if that were the case, it wouldn’t still be sold in the grocery. Someone must be buying that stuff. There really are other news stories out there to be covered.

In order to break free of the wearying NPR daily “news”, I set the radio to Scan to see what else was on this morning. It stopped on 98.7, “Star Music, Real Star Variety”. I listened to the station for thirty full minutes of my life that I can never get back.

The radio personalities, Jamie, Jack and Stench, were interviewing Jessica Wu, noted cosmeceuticalist or some such. They briefly discussed the benefits of Botox injections, but mostly they discussed how fabulous Dr. Wu is. The interview took less than five minutes. The remaining 25 minutes was literally taken up entirely with commercials.

And one song.

One.

It was “The Metro” by Berlin. Because, you know, bands from the 80’s are automatic qualifiers for the “Star Music” label.

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Pedro brought me lunch from the In-N-Out Burger. I asked him if it was the one on Camrose, but it wasn’t.

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There’s a person in my new office who could easily lay claim to the title of The Angry Old Woman. She’s about the same age as TAOW from my old office, she’s just as angry, yet she is far more clever, and thus, scarier than the original. I thought about starting a weekly feature called, “Conversations with TAOW”, but I try VERY HARD to avoid her, so any entries will be sporadic. Hopefully.

For the most part, my encounters with her are via phone, when she picks up my call to someone else.

TAOW: Hello?

Me {startled}: Oh, hey… I was calling Flem.

TAOW: What did you need?

Me: The caterer is here with the food for her meeting, but whoever called in the order didn’t use her credit card to pay.

TAOW: Why are you calling Flem about it?

Me: Because the caterer needs to be paid.

TAOW: Why are you calling Flem about it?

Me: Because it’s Flem’s meeting and I need her credit card information.

TAOW: I’m asking you why you’re calling FLEM about this.

Me: …

Caterer: Let me just send the bill over later.

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The security guy at work wandered up to my office today to hang around and make small talk. People only want to do that when they can see you’re incredibly busy. It’s uncanny, really.

Moe: Your hair looks really great today.

Me: Thanks!

Moe: What’d you do differently?

Me: …

Moe: No, really. What’s different?

Me: Are you saying it doesn’t usually look great?

Moe: It’s usually OK. But today it looks *really* great.

Me: Thanks.

Moe: So, are you going to tell me what you did different to it today?

Me: …

Moe: Did you brush it or something?

Me: I have to get back to work.

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A caprese sandwich and chocolate cheesecake squares for lunch. I’m starting to wonder if all this free food is just an underhanded ploy to keep people from leaving the office during the day.

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Every morning on my way to work, I see this giant boot driving on the freeway.