My version of the spider story:

While driving down the street, I noticed a spider making it’s way across the dashboard. I noted its direction and speed and calculated that there was an 80% chance it would leap from the dashboard corner at the door jamb and on to my leg. I turned on my right turn signal and made a safe stop on the side of the road. Then I opened the door and flicked the spider out of the car with a napkin.

Marukan’s version of the spider story:

OMG! Dude! We were like, driving and everything was fine and then all of a sudden, she was screaming like, “Aaaah!! Aaaahh!!” and I was thinking, “She’s having a heart attack!” and she was all, “Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!” She kept repeating, “Don’t panic! Don’t panic!” but when has that ever calmed anybody down? Then she swerved over to the curb and started attacking the dashboard with some paper.


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