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Actual Los Angeles craigslist postings:

Free Bees!

No, not freebies… free bees, as in the insects. There’s a bunch that have swarmed at my house and are clumped all together, trying to start a new hive. If you’re into beekeeping, you’re welcome to come get these guys and make them all yours!

You can get them tonight while they’re dormant and before they leave tomorrow.

Virtual Cuddle Party tonight! – m4w – 31

Are you deprived of online affection? Let’s have a non-sexual virtual cuddle party tonight at midnight. We’ll all log on here into craigslist, close our eyes, hug ourselves and pretend that it’s someone else. Remember, this is strickly non-sexual so no touching yourself in your pleasure centers!

Restless….wanna get a drink? – 30

Hey! Dying for a glass of wine/cocktail/beer with a cute, funny guy. Okay, you don’t have to be “cute” but funny for sure. Actually, you don’t have be a side splitter or anything, as long as you’re biologically male and can walk upright. Actually, as long as you have a penis. Forget the cute, funny guy thing…I’m looking for a handsome penis to have a glass of wine with. I’ll caress your left nut in lieu of a handshake. I’ll laugh at all your penis jokes and gaze sweetly into your pee hole while you pontificate wildly about your latest conquests. It’ll be great!

I meant to write a serious ad about finding someone to have a drink with tonight, and look what happened! Man, I can’t even trust myself with a simple Craigslist posting. Maybe I should stay home and read the bible….

Nah! Send me a pic and lets get the show on the road. (No cock pics please. I know I’m inviting that with this posting but I really only wanna see your face. Unless it’s attached to your penis. In which case…you know what to do.)

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