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How’s this for uncoordinated?

I decided to make a call on my cell phone and went out to the car to get a Diet Mt. Dew to sip while chatting. I had the open can in my left hand and the phone in my right as I walked through the parking lot. As I received confirmation that the handcuffs story was true, my left foot tripped over a rock, and I went down on my right knee.

While splayed, I righted the can to minimize Dew loss, retrieved the phone from where it had gotten flung, noticed the giant rip in my jeans at the knee, and continued the conversation.

After we finished talking, I came back in to the bathroom, cleaned out the asphalt from the bloody wound, then sprayed something called “Liquid Bandage” on it. I plan to write a sternly worded letter to the Liquid Bandage people to suggest they change the name of their product to “Liquid Fire” or “Spray-On Wound Acid” or “Aerosol Scream Inducer”.

I limped back to the medicine cabinet and got a proper bandage out and put that on through the hole in my pants.

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