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I walked to the office next door to pick up some mail and the desk lady accosted me with a stuffed Christmas decoration. She pushed it towards me and asked if I knew who it was.

It was no Wage in a Santa hat, I can assure you. I told her it was the abominable snowman from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. She seemed disappointed that I had correctly identified the item so she decided to punish me.

“Squeeze him”, she demanded.

“I ain’t squeezin’ no Yeti…” I told her.

“SQUEEZE HIM!”

I complied.

Nothing happened.

“No, no, squeeze his FOOT”, she said. Which should have been obvious, since he’s Bigfoot and what have you.

Burl Ives started singing Have a Holly Jolly Christmas at 85 decibels. I dropped the wrong snowman and shouted over the music, “Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!” She cackled and I ran away.

I’ll go back for the mail tomorrow when she’s at lunch.

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