Monthly Archives: December 2006


What I learned while watching Casino Royale tonight: under no circumstances should you answer your cell phone.

This especially applies if you’ve 1) just made the drop; 2) just made the pickup; 3) just made a hit (in which case, don’t answer THEIR cell phone, either); 4) just made jam.



At PF Chang’s

Mother: Are the bathrooms here unisex?

Me: No.

Mother: Well, there was a man in the ladies’ room.

Me: Was it Brian?

Mother: No.

Me: Then how do you know you weren’t in the mens’ room?

Mother: …


Special Phone Call With My Brother Edition!

Me: Are you at the airport?

Brother: Hell, no. I’m at home.

Me: Where’s your mother?

Brother: At the airport.

Me: …

Brother: I just drove up to the Departures terminal and rolled her out of the truck and came back to the house.

Me: …

Brother: You’ll need some kind of winch to lift all her luggage. Enjoy the next couple of weeks.

Me: This assures my seat in heaven, right? Right??

Brother: Mua-hahahaha! {click}


Special Holiday DVD Marathon in Review Edition!

The Devil Wears Prada: Meryl Streep is the only reason to watch this movie. She’s brilliant!

The Third Man: How do you KNOW that Orson Welles gets shot at the end? You don’t. You have to make a dramatic assumption, based on the second whole “burial in the cemetery” scene after the sound of gunfire in the Vienna sewers. He wasn’t in the casket the first time, so how can you be sure he’s in there THIS time?

Trading Places: Classic Christmas season movie for the entire family.

Live and Let Die: Snakes in a bathroom; Roger Moore; crazy villians; sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their heads; what else do you need in a Bond film?

The Outlaw Josey Wales: Classic Christmas season movie for the entire family.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly: Because, when you think about it, you can never get enough Clint Eastwood.

The Sinister Urge: Or enough Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Eddie Izzard – Dress to Kill: Or enough men wearing high heels and makeup.


Merry Christmas to everyone out there!

Christmas Tree 2006

Within two hours of receiving the Alton Brown cookbook, I’d already whipped up one of the recipes. Food + heat = cooking, innit?

Xmas Swag 2006


Quote of the Day – Special “Overheard at the 99-cent store in Venice, California” Edition!

1) I don’t f*ck my producer’s girlfriend because I think that sort of thing is disrespectful.


2) Don’t you people sell lighters? I need to smoke some weed.


King Neptune would like to wish you a happy Festivus!

Praise be to Nero's Neptune!


Quote of the Day – Special Readers’ Choice Edition! Vote for your favorite in the comments!

1) Like Vanilla Ice, my wrapping is finished.


2) I never joke about my erections.