The New Guy Learns Jive – A Play in One Act
TECH GUY, the office cynic who has held the same job for years
NEW GUY, recently relocated from an island nation (not Ireland)
ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN, interchangeable buffoons
At RISE: (An office break room. Lunchtime. TECH GUY and NEW GUY seated with assorted Crapperware littering the table.)
NEW GUY: It would cost $1200 to buy an airline ticket to fly home.
TECH GUY: Since you’re staying in town, will you be at work?
NEW GUY: Nah.
(ROSENCRANTZ & GUILDENSTERN fling open the door and rush in to the room)
R&G: Hey, NEW GUY, I’m glad to see that you’re eating a salad.
NEW GUY: What?
R&G: I said, I’m glad to see that you’re eating a salad… ’cause you look like you’re growing a bit of a pooch there. (snickers)
NEW GUY: Well, at least I don’t have to get on the treadmill as soon as I get home. Like you do.
TECH GUY: No, no, no. The proper response is always, “Yo Mamma!”