Monthly Archives: January 2007

It’s colder than a bucket of penguin poop

Special E-mail from my mother edition!

“It was colder than blue blazers out today.”


Where’s my “Jump to Conclusions” mat?

Some late arriving birthday swag!

Is this good for the COMPANY?

I’d like some mixed flowers for my eunuch

Birthday flowers!

Flower power

Birthday watch with Birthday manicure (featuring the color “I Don’t Do Dishes”)!

Thanks for the update, Big Ben

Birthday Indiana Jones DVD Box Set!

I'm as human as the next man

Birthday balloon with Birthday Domo Kun hoodie!

Domo kun!

It was your birthday last year

For my annual birthday trip to Benihana, Minimum Wage thought to invite his ninja friend.

Two chopsticks? One each!

Minimum Wage traded me his salad for my soup.

Miso hungry

Happy End of the First Half of My Life Birthday to me!

Where's the steaming onion volcano?

Okay then, moving on to our third agenda: Sherry’s birthday party

Memory detour

A person or persons unknown came to the office in the middle of the night and vandalized my cubicle.

I was going to file a complaint with the manager, but my mouth was too full of cake.

Why is she fanning him with a beer bottle?

Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some would eat that want it;
But we hae meat, and we can eat,
Sae let the Lord be thankit.

We were going to celebrate our Burns Night Supper with the following itinerary:

Chatting and drinking
Saying the grace
In the absence of 1) a haggis and 2) a bagpiper, trumpeting in the pizza
Addressing the pizza and slicing it with the ceremonial pizza cutter at just the right point in the poem (‘an cut you up wi’ ready slight’)
Eating the pizza
Watching Gregory’s Girl

In the end, we heated up some Lean Cuisine, ate some potato chips and watched Zelig.

Happy birthday, Rabbie Burns!

When threatened, she gains the strength of a thousand trollops

Actual conversation on the first floor in front of the elevator at work:

Older Guy: I think I’ll go home.

Me: That sounds like a great idea.

OG: You have a beautiful smile.

Me: Thank you.

OG: Are those your natural teeth?

Me: …

OG: ???

Me: Erm…yes. Yes, they are.

OG: Girl! You got it goin’ ON!

When I got back to my desk, I told the girl across from me about the exchange. She asked who the guy was and I told her he’d come out of the office on the first floor, so he wasn’t one of ours. She said she’d worked in this building for seven years and in all that time, absolutely no one from that office had EVER spoken to anyone from our office.

She also said that, based on that conversation, she was happy to continue the non-speaking tradition.

This one is moist

You know how one of the big bonuses to switching over to the New Blogger is the absence of wacky server errors? I *never* got one of those until tonight. Coincidence? Or no??

I’m still not switching.

No matter what sort of strong-arm tactics are employed.

I’m serious. I’ll move to LiveJournal TypePad if they pry the Old Blogger out of my cold, dead laptop.