Monthly Archives: May 2007

We’ll be listening to you

Over the past few days, all the Minimum Wage twins could talk about was The Conversation.

This morning in the bathroom, I caught Little Ninja Wage working on his mad listening skills a la Harry Caul.

He'd kill us if he had the chance

He takes movies far too seriously. Which is exactly the reason I don’t take him with me.

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Two hours and seventeen hundred lies later…

Saturday night wasn’t all tear gas and riots. Before the SWAT team descended upon our domicile, we had time to go see a double feature of The Conversation and Chinatown at the Aero Theatre. The Minimum Wage twins went because they wanted to see Royal Tenenbaum spy on Shirley Feeney. I think he was looking for Laverne. John Cazale was great as Lenny. Or was it Squiggy?

We think this lady is pretty

There was a ten-minute intermission before Chinatown began, so I rummaged through my bag for my snacks (Diet Mountain Dew and Swedish Fish, of course). My hand hit upon… a stowaWage!

We've discovered a stowaWage!

After the movie, we all discussed Faye DunaWage and her scary eyebrows. Is this what women looked like in the 1970’s/1930’s?

Forget it, Scooterdeb. It’s Chinatown.

Two words: closed casket

If you were fifteen-years old, how would you prefer to die of embarrassment?

1) Because your mother sang all the hymns in church loudly and off-key in front of everyone.

2) Because your mother drove her thirteen-year old car while wearing her robe and pink fuzzy slippers and dropped you off at school in front of all your friends.

3) Because your mother called the police at one in the morning to physically remove your completely intoxicated nineteen-year old, concealed-switchblade-carrying, dope-smoking tagger “friend” of two weeks with a criminal record, who was barely conscious when you brought him home from the beach and who has been blacked out on the living room couch for two full hours in front of your younger brother and sister.

Dude, I’d choose 1.

Staff Appreciation Day 2007

CK said that Staff Appreciation Day was held once again for those who haven’t been fired or laid off yet.

I asked her if she got her free pizza and t-shirt in lieu of raise again this year. She said she picked up three t-shirts and no pizza. She said the event wasn’t held at the Coliseum, since the floor was being replaced, so everyone had to cram in to the ballroom at the Student Center.

Of all the people from our old office that she could’ve run in to, she ran in to KIA. Although she tried to escape by slipping down a side hallway, KIA ruthlessly pursued her. CK is no James Bond, so she finally gave up and talked to KIA.

KIA: I hate that there’s no pizza this year.

CK: But they gave us food coupons so we could go eat anywhere at the Student Center, so you could go pick yourself something off the salad bar, since you always complained that they never thought of the vegetarians when they placed the pizza order.

KIA: …

CK {dashing away}: Byeee!!

Baja Cafetorium

The Open House for the local elementary school was held in their cafetorium. Cafetorium. Cafetorium. I just like writing that. All the teachers were introduced and walked on stage as if they were modeling the new spring line for wiledootsy.com. Even Brian wouldn’t have worn any of those outfits.

What I learned from the Expository Writing Exercises: “Walking without water is murder”.

After reading about avocadoes in the Diet of the Native Peoples of California book, I became obsessed with consuming a TJ Taxi from Baja Cantina. With extra guacamole, of course.

Cafetorium.

Thanks for the update, Big Ben

Bus Stop Guy: What time is it?

Me {resists urge to say, “Ten to”}: Quarter ’til.

Bus Stop Guy: How do you know that? You didn’t look at your watch.

Me: I looked at your watch.

I’ve seen funeral processions faster than this car chase

The French Connection played Friday night at the Aero Theatre. It was a double feature with The Brink’s Job, but the Minimum Wage twins wanted to see Royal Tenenbaum fiercely interrogate some bad guys more than they wanted to see Columbo organize a heist.

You be Frog 1 and I'll be Popeye Doyle

Minimum Wage I had a bit of a “French Conniption” when he discovered that some of the actors weren’t speaking English. Minimum Wage II, since he wasn’t sitting behind that tall guy eating popcorn with his mouth open, was able to read the subtitles that MWI missed.

Since the movies ran so late, I slept most of Saturday. I got up once to order my groceries online for Sunday delivery. I’m ever so glad that Alberton’s delivers, because it totally increases my loafing time on the weekends.

That maid is worth every penny

I feel a disturbance … as if a million monkeys cried out at once and then … were silenced…

The postman delivered a box today! Wage was excited! It was a care package from my mother and it was loaded with all sorts of things a girl needs, but can’t find in Santa Monica.

Care package from my mother!

The contents:

One Louisville newspaper (The Courier Journal) with complete Kentucky Derby coverage

Two fancy rings

Three magnetic bead bracelets (one white, one pink, one black)

One silver bracelet with ancient religious symbols

Three bars Cadbury Dairy Milk

Three Lunch Bags with gummi pizza, gummi hamburgers, gummi hot dogs, gummi fries and gummi soft drink bottles

Two ziplock bags full of proper licorice

One cell phone holder in the shape of a dog (breed unknown)

One wooden oven rack puller (because she knows the oven door has no handle)

One pickle and/or olive stabber

One MONKEY!!