Do y’all remember The Far Side by Gary Larson? Of course you do. I was reminded today of a classic panel in which a cow looks up and says, “This is grass! We’ve been eating grass!!”
The New Temp Guy, who we’ve taken to calling “Dude” behind his back (a complete misnomer, in my opinion, as he is very unDude), looked over the top of my cubicle and said, “I just counted this up, and found out that I provide more break and lunch coverage for the main desk than both of the two other relievers combined!”
I looked at him blankly and nodded my head. He announced with not a small amount of indignity that he was going to e-mail the other two break providers and suggest that they rework the schedule amongst themselves. The end result would be far more equitable. All this meant, of course, was that he wouldn’t have to cover the desk as often.
After I took a hit from my stash of mini liquor bottles leftover from my last flight to the International Space Station, I told him the following:
1) The schedule is set by the boss of the front desk, not the break providers.
2) The boss of the front desk forwards a copy of the schedule to Dude’s boss to approve.
3) That he was lucky his name wasn’t penciled in to each and every break and lunch square.
3) That he was lucky the break and lunch schedule wasn’t a 3 x 5 Sudoku in which penciling his name in every open square was the only solution.
3) That he was lucky the break and lunch schedule wasn’t a 3 x 5 matrix on a Bingo card with his name on each of the squares during a Progressive Coverall in which the ball puller repeatedly calls out, “Dude!”