I’ve had like, seventeen possible posts I could have written. They were funny, insightful, etc., unlike the usual first-draft stuff y’all get. But because I didn’t write them down anywhere, the ideas have been lost in the vapors. Occasionally, I’ll get a brief glimpse into the memory cabinet where these things are stored (next to that jar of vapors), but they’re never as funny as the first time. Which describes most of my posts, I think.
Herein are Things I Was Going To Tell You Before I Lost My Mind:
1) About the time on Bagel Friday when they ran out of cream cheese and I decided to use the tub of green spread because I thought it was Benedictine. It turned out to be chive cream cheese and it contaminated my sesame seed bagel.
2) About the time a lady in the office burned her toast to an absolutely blackened crisp and I later saw her *heating it up in the microwave* because “it had gotten cold”.
3) About the time I called the Help Desk.
4) About the time I called CK to tell her I’d heard something funny on the radio and that I wanted to share it with her. She asked what it was and I told her that on Jonesy’s Jukebox, he’d had someone like Billy Squier on and they were chatting and the other guy asked Jonesy, “What’s your favorite month of the year?” and Jonesy said, “Hmmm… I’d have to say January” and the other guy asked why and Jonesy said, “Because that’s when it starts to warm up again”. And then CK screamed some obscenities at me and slammed the receiver against the wall a few times.
5) About that Derry Journal article and the group of drunken women carrying an inflatable penis.
6) About that time I thought up some funny stuff to write, but then promptly forgot it all.