Do you sell turquoise plastic pith helmets?

The Almighty Cthulhu himself rang me up today to shake me out of my stupor.

TAC: You need to write something! You’re killin’ me!
Me: I got nothin’ to say.
TAC: Then post “Nothing to see here – move along”. ANYTHING!
Me: No one wants to read about my crackpot boss or my shitbag *******.
TAC: Sure, they do! People don’t want the pulp. They want the juice. Give them the juice! Laced with profanities!


Speaking of shitbags, I was training a co-worker on the intricacies of cash deposits when he had to take a call from his wife. I amused myself by idly fashioning a shiv out of a ruler, tape and some paperclips. Once he hung up the phone, he said, “My wife said that one of the kids she teaches just left a flaming shitbag on the neighbor’s porch.”

How retro is that?? A flaming shitbag! I didn’t think kids these days even knew how to make them! He said the neighbor claimed the entire house could have been burned to the ground, but I say – that’s why you’re supposed to stomp out the flaming bag, innit?


4 responses to “Do you sell turquoise plastic pith helmets?

  1. The Almighty Cuthulu

    Old School asshattery. I approve. The Almighty Cuthulu has spoken

  2. She’s BACK!
    You could recite the ABC’s and we wouldn’t care… just to know you’re alive.

    Okay, that’s a lie. The ABC’s would be tedious and boring and we all know them. You have to share something we don’t know. Like the ABC’s in dutch, or something. Just sayin’…

  3. Where do I send my contribution to The Almighty Cuthulu’s newspaper advertisement fund?

  4. Thanks to The Almighty Cuthulu for goading you back! : ) Have you forgotten that we’re the folks who have always been quite pleased with a photo of lunch — or anything that any of the Wages happen to stand next to? As Sue so perfectly said, “…just to know you’re alive.”

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