Dear Agent Scully, did not like the tone of your lawyer’s letter…

I have a Norm Swain-related bit of good news. Good news for me, not necessarily good news for Norm.

The attorney’s office referenced in the last post called again. This time I recognized the phone number and answered the call.

Me: Hello…

Attorney: Hello, this is Mr. X, attorney for Patenaude & Felix. How are you today?

Me: Oh, I’m just fine, thanks. And how are you?

Attorney: I’m fine. Could I please speak to Norm?

Me: Norm Swain?

Attorney: Yes.

Me: Norm hasn’t had this number for eighteen months, but I can give you the name of his business partner and you might be able to contact him that way.

Attorney: Do you know where Norm is?

Me: Dude, I don’t even KNOW Norm, but I know the name of the movie he’s working on and who he’s working on it with, so I’d say that’s a place for you to start if you’re trying to track him down.

Attorney: Yes, I’m very interested in tracking him down… but if you don’t know him, how do you know this much about him?

Me: I have this website. And when I started posting Norm’s voice mails, I was under the impression that maybe he’d Google himself, you know?

Attorney: …

Me: Google himself and discover that someone has his old number and then he could go about getting the right number to everyone. But instead, his business partner called and I posted THAT voice mail and THAT guy Googled himself and found all the Norm Swain posts and threatened me with legal action because I was making Norm look bad financially by saying all these creditors were calling for him.

Attorney: Defamation of character lawsuits are always won on the truth, so you would win that legal action.

Me: Yeah?

Attorney: Yes. If you write that I called for Norm, and there’s proof that I did call for Norm, and you have that proof on your phone bill and I have that proof on my phone bill, then the business partner has no case. You can write what you like.

Me: !!!


2 responses to “Dear Agent Scully, did not like the tone of your lawyer’s letter…

  1. but I know the name of the movie he’s working on

    See….you’re on shaky ground there, because I think we all know that the film is all a figment of Mr. Producer’s imagination….

  2. The Almighty Cuthulu

    Fuck Norm Swain! The Almighty Cuthulu has spoken.

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