Pregnant woman and schnauzer optional

Here’s how it started.

Yesterday, J1 says to me, “Front Desk Guy and I are going to buy Pregnant Co-Worker a cake for her last day tomorrow. Do you want to go in on it?” I’m all, “Sure. That sounds like a great idea. Are you getting her a gift?” He says yes, but it’s not like a group gift, so FDG and I are on our own.

About an hour later, The Boss says to me, “OMG! PANIC!! Did you know it’s PCW’s last day tomorrow?? We must scramble to DO SOMETHING for her!!”

What began as a cake and small gift affair expanded exponentially into a 20-person luncheon that *I* was responsible for organizing. There aren’t even 20 people in the office! We were importing people from outside the building!

My list ran as follows:

Bay Cities Italian Deli – Two 26″ party sub sandwiches; one tuna salad, one turkey. Send runner to pick up at noon.

Pizza Hut – Four large pizzas; one Pepperoni Lover’s, one pepperoni/sausage, one ham/pineapple, one sausage/jalapeno. To be delivered by Pizza Hut at noon.

Ralph’s – Six 2-liter bottles of soda; two Coke, two Sprite, one root beer, one Diet Coke. One large bag of ice. Send runner to pick up at 11 AM.

La Panadería – One baby-themed sheet cake, inscribed with “Congratulations PCW!” Send J1 to pick up at 11:30 AM.

Costco – One case size 1 disposable diapers (fend off complaints from the environmentalists) and one carton baby wipes. Send runner to pick up at 10 AM.

Miguel’s Cousin’s Flower Shop – One balloon tower, ordered at the last minute (but not paid for) by the Director. Send Miguel right now to beg for “family discount”.

Santa Monica Aviary Rentals – One live stork; available for two hours only. Handler included.

Gas Station on the corner – Two large bags of potato chips (one regular, one sour cream and onion) to fill void left by lack of pizza delivery.

Speaking of the pizza delivery!! The pizzas were to arrive at noon, yes, yes? Well, at 12:20, I called Pizza Hut to inquire about the status of the delivery. The manager assured me that the driver was en route.

At 12:40, I called Pizza Hut to inquire about the status of the delivery. The manager was surprised that our pizzas hadn’t been delivered and said that I could “take ten dollars off the price” when they DID arrive.

At 1, the delivery driver rolls up, tires burning and tells me that there’s a random traffic stop going on at the intersection and that he went around it and waved at the officer and then the motorcycle policeman pulled him over and accused him of giving him the finger and he’d argued that he’d given him his whole HAND and his manager didn’t say anything about ten dollars off, but he’d believe me.

At 2:30, the manager at Pizza Hut CALLED ME to ask if the driver was still with me, because he’d *never returned to the store*.

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2 responses to “Pregnant woman and schnauzer optional

  1. That sounds llike a road going nowhere at an alarming speed. Did make me smile though

  2. You kidnapped him, didn’t you? I knew you were a little shady…

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