Monthly Archives: December 2009

In VI hours, it will be MMX!

If I’d planned this any better, I’d have pre-written about two months worth of filler posts for those days when I don’t have anything to say.

Happy New Year everyone!

Now with extra posting goodness

I swear the “stats” feature on WordPress is just cracked. Although it registers 48,000 visitors from yesterday, none of them were referred from anywhere and only one post was viewed. Really, WordPress?  Does this mean there’s only one reader out there who visits a lot?

Hmmm…. maybe I have been premature in my cynicism!

Well, dear reader – whoever you are – you might, in fact, be enthralled to find out that I have an ambitious new plan for 2010. I am for serious going to post something most every day, notwithstanding internet outages due interference from a build-up of cat hair on the receiver. I’m not one to make New Years’ Resolutions, so I thought I’d start. I might even {hold on to your seats} upload some photos on a semi-regular basis.

The solar flares must have gotten to me.

Phone call with my mother

I think my mother should have her own blog. I know I’d read it.

Mother: I went to a Christmas party at Teresa’s house. She really knows how to decorate!

Me: Yeah? Was it festive?

Mother: Her place was just beautiful. On the dining room table, she had transformers.

Me: Transformers? What, like from the movie?

Mother: What? Transformers. You know, those things that go under your dinner plate.

Me: Chargers?

Mother: Oh. Yes. Chargers, not transformers…

Me: …

We have neither polyester curtains nor a redwood deck

Oh, my goodness…. I must have jinxed myself by talking about work. I have been made ill!

My desk has switched locations six times in the past two years. There are two different buildings involved and both of them have their issues. I think I’ll be staying put for now. Or at least until the next round of layoffs, which might open up another space. None of the moves have ever been made voluntarily. One of them even happened while I was on vacation. I returned to find that my desk had been moved. No advance warning or anything!

The current location is inside a double-wide trailer. There are nine – count ’em! – nine “offices” inside the trailer, plus a kitchen, bathroom and conference room. Of course, the boss’s office is as large as the conference room, so you can imagine the amount of space allotted to the rest of us.

I don’t have to imagine. During the latest round of reorganizing, I found out that I am specifically allotted six feet of width in which to contain my desk and filing cabinets. I found this out when I asked if I could shift my desk over “a bit” so that I could move my chair out from under the desk without it hitting the wall behind me. No.

There’s no air circulation to speak of inside the trailer. Sure, when the air conditioning is on, the fan is so forceful that it blows papers off of desks, but that doesn’t happen when we turn on the “heating”. We have to turn up the thermostat to 78 (which, according to Manuel, is equal to 3 million degrees celsius. I think.) to stop the A/C. I don’t think there’s really a “heat” setting at all. Just A/C or no A/C.

This lack of air circulation contributes to the Office Poopers problem AND to the same germs being passed from person to person over and over. When the person at the next desk gets “the sick”, you know it’s only a matter of time before you succumb, extra vitamins be damned.

I finally fell too ill to haul myself out of bed on Friday. Even if I feel bad, I always go to work because I don’t want to have to call six different people and tell them that I’m not coming in that morning. I made the six calls Friday morning, then went back to bed and didn’t get up until Friday night. I couldn’t even get up when the cat tore up the bed and clawed my hair because it was lunch time and he wanted his Newman’s Own fix. He eventually walked away and ate out of the ginormous bowl of dry food that’s always available.

Maybe I’ll change into a different pair of pajamas and go back to bed.

We’ll tackle number two later

Some days it takes very little to set me off at work. I know you all find this admission very hard to believe, given that I am such an optimist about everything.

Yesterday, I thought I was going to have to publish some kind of manifesto outlining all the things that people do that just wear me out. The readers of said manifesto could decide for themselves whether to tempt fate by continuing their behavior or to reign in their crazy selves.

Rather than bog everyone down with the entire tome at once, I’ve decided to parcel out the information as it becomes necessary.

Number one on the list: People who sign their emails, “Best”.

I can grant a partial exception to non-Americans who might do this. But seeing “Best” on an email signature makes me wonder, “Best what?” Best wishes? Best regards? All the best? What the hell? Surely they aren’t wishing me the best of anything, especially if they’re sending me a complaint.

Coming up next: Office Poopers.

But I did score the Golden Toilet

I blame Mafia Wars.