Monthly Archives: May 2011

Rufforu! Bow-a-wow!

The “work dog” just broke in to a bunch of Splenda packets and had white powder all over.

On Friday, he attempted to grab the paperwork being held by a job applicant who was here for an interview. The poor man also sat in “The Dog’s Chair”, so he went to his interview covered in dog fur.

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Dissapointing turnout for REO Speedwagon at Alpine Valley

This was in the school newsletter. I appreciate finding out about upcoming events, but I also think in this day and age, they needn’t list this guy’s entire resume IN MY NEWSLETTER. If I wanted to know more, I could LOOK IT UP MYSELF. I have put in bold the portions that should have been included:

The High School Jazz Ensembles and Jazz Combo Featuring

Hollywood Walk of Fame All Star Musician
Anonymous, Trumpet

Monday, January 10, 2011
7 PM Performance Hall
High School Campus

Tickets: $10 Adults/$5 for Students/Seniors

Mark your calendars now, so you won’t miss a great night of Jazz at the High School. Trumpeter Anonymous, one of the world’s finest jazz and studio musicians, will be the Special Guest Soloist for the High School Jazz Program’s annual concert at the Performance Hall on the Monday, January 10, 2011, 7 PM.

The High School Jazz Bands and Jazz Combo, under the direction of Mr. X and Mr. Y, will perform pieces that sweep the jazz gamut from swing to hard bop, ballads, Latin, fusion and funk. In addition to his Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Anonymous’s appearances on classic jazz recordings mark him as a first call musician on the extremely competitive recording studio scene in the area.

Quincy Jones, Diana Krall, Kenny G., Tito Puente, Dianne Reeves, Rosemary Clooney, Diane Schur, Eric Marienthal, David Benoit, Arturo Sandoval, and host of jazz luminaries all grace Anonymous’s resume. Jazz legend Maynard Ferguson called Anonymous “the most musical lead trumpet player I’ve ever had in my band.”

In the Pop music world, Anonymous has contributed his signature sound to albums by Ray Charles, Green Day, Beyoncé, Michael Buble, Josh Groban, Natalie Cole, Celine Dion, Seal, Christina Aguilera, Gwen Stefani, Earth Wind & Fire, My Chemical Romance, The Mars Volta, Chicago, Lee Ann Womack, and Lou Rawls.

A veteran of over 300 motion picture and television soundtracks, Anonymous’s recent film score work includes performances in Toy Story 3, Despicable Me, the Sorcerer’s Apprentice, Charlie St. Cloud, 2012, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Numerous TV credits include shows such as the Sports Themes for NBC, ESPN & TNT, the Entertainment Tonight Theme, the Academy Awards, the Emmy Awards, the Grammy Awards, the Latin Grammy’s and American Idol.

With two solo albums to his credit, including the Grammy nominated “You Call This a Living?” (Best Large Jazz Ensemble, 2004) and “Plays Well With Others” (Concord Jazz, 2007), Anonymous dazzles in a live setting, frequently with Gordon Goodwin’s Big Phat Band.

This year, Anonymous has appeared at the Hollywood Bowl (Gershwin In America), the Pantages Theater (Phantom of the Opera, West Side Story,) and Disney Hall (Kristine Chenowith) and at colleges and clubs across the nation.

Anonymous is a National Artist for the Yamaha Corporation of America and is co-designer of the YTR-8335LA trumpet and YFH-8315G Flugelhorn.

Anonymous enjoys his work as a clinician/educator and feels it’simportant to “give back” by mentoring young musicians.

Is that gravy? I thought the dog had gotten sick …

A special line was installed on my phone at work so I can help answer calls. The idea is that I don’t have to leave my desk to cover the front desk phone calls. However, if I’m back here in the corner and no one else is here, how can I help people who walk up in to this biscuit? You’d think that to cover the front desk, you should really be at the front desk. If people can answer the phone remotely, why even bother to come in to work? Our Customer Service Assistant could stay home, answer the phones AND have her dog barking all over the place, just like here.

The dog ate the analyst’s rug and barfed it up in Rio’s office.

The smell made me ill, even though the analyst claimed it was just clear stuff, plus rug pieces and had no real vomit smell.

Yes. Yes, it did. I left and went to the mail room. It was pretty gross.

The dog has already peed all over the front desk this morning.

Everyone else is just laissez-faire about the whole thing.

Boss Lady has “suggested” three different times that the dog be left at home for various days/reasons and Our Customer Service Assistant manages to come up with reasons why he should come to work. Why can’t Boss Lady just tell her it isn’t working out?

I know Boss Lady wants a “work dog”, but this dog isn’t it. He needs some obedience classes. He freaks out and starts barking at people outside when Our Customer Service Assistant is on the phone, he rushes the door and races out into the parking lot, he nips people when they try to pet him, etc. When he’s just sitting in the chair, he’s fine. When other co-workers walk in, the dog leaps six feet off the ground so he can grab the paperwork out of their hands.

Our Customer Service Assistant doesn’t want to leave him at home during the day, because guess what? He tears up the place while she’s at work. That’s why she’s so keen to bring him in.

I thought it was skin cream, but it was Elmer’s Glue

The Angry Old Woman is always talking about her first husband and how horrible he and his mother were. I had some kind of notion that she had been married to him for 15 or 20 years and had all her kids with him, then they divorced and she was single for a time before she met her current husband. I had the idea that she and her current husband had been married ten years or so.

No.

She’s been married to her current husband for FORTY-TWO years. She had two sons in quick succession with the first husband and they were divorced after being married for four years. She had her other two kids with the second husband.

This means she’s been holding on to the hate and anger for FOUR DECADES.

Even I think it’s time to let that go!

Jim never drinks coffee at home

Actual conversation that just occurred in the kitchen/Rio’s office:

Boss Lady: What, is there no coffee today?

Rio: {silence}

Boss Lady: {more loudly} IS THERE NO COFFEE TODAY???

TAOW: Do you want me to make you some coffee?

Boss Lady: Are you going to have some?

TAOW: No, I don’t drink coffee. I’m asking you if you want me to make you some coffee.

Boss Lady: Yes, I’d like that.

1) Why didn’t Boss Lady just make it? The process is simple enough for a child to understand.
2) Why isn’t Rio in charge of making sure the coffee pot is filled, since it’s right in front of her?

It’s a total passive-aggressive nightmare!

Fashions come and go, but roaches are forever

The Mini-Storage place called to say that they’d discovered roaches and wanted me to stop by and drop off my key. They were going to open all the units for spraying AND to see if they could locate the source of the infestation.

They called later to say they sent my keys back via certified mail.

The lady on the phone was full of the banter.

She said they located the roached-out unit and she “told Terry if that girl ever walks in here, I’m going to punch her in the face”. In the words of Kip Dynamite, she’s pretty TO’ed.

She also said they didn’t see any roaches in my unit, and the originator unit was “on the other side”. I hope that she meant “of the facility” and not “of your unit”.

You know, wild horses couldn’t drag this plot any further

I got an email from the UK Alumni Association about the SoCal Derby party being held at Hollywood Park.

For the low, low price of $62 per person, I would receive admission to the track, parking accommodations, a program AND the Gold Club Chef’s Table buffet lunch!

Or, you know what? If I just GO to Hollywood Park, I could pay $47 and get admission to the track, parking accomodations, TAX, TIP, COFFEE AND TEA plus the same Gold Cup Chef’s Table buffet.

For $38, same thing, but just the Turf Club buffet.

General admission is $8. No lunch or what have you.

Is it the program that’s costing me $15? Is it made of gold leaf?

I’d walk around totally naked, holding a Big Gulp Terminator 2 cup

On my Gmail just now, an ad at the top flashed up while I was reading a Backpacker Magazine e-mail and I thought it said, “Experience a New Zealand Prison”. I thought they were quite mistaken in their notions regarding my sense of adventure.

But what it said was, “Experience New Zealand in Person”. If I went to New Zealand, I might end up experiencing both options.