Monthly Archives: June 2011

So, you can just take a sharp left turn in space…

When I was a kid, they sold “Space Pens Like the Astronauts Use” at the Kennedy Space Center gift shop.

I couldn’t figure out when I’d need to be writing anything upside down underwater, plus they didn’t sell paper you could write on underwater, so I didn’t buy one.

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No zombies. Not allowed.

I like how on the Office Supply Ordering website, you’ll find a product with a blue box announcing “BEST BUY!!!!” and then when you try to add it to your cart, you get an alert that says, “Your purchasing department has placed restrictions on the purchase of this item. If you would like to purchase this item, please contact your Purchasing department”.

Why even put those products out there and give me false hope that I can order something?

You know what burns my butt? A flame about this high.

I was wondering if there’s some sort of exam a person has to pass to get hired on at a printers. Would it be a written test? Surely it would be more about how to operate the machinery. Questions like,

“Printing Press #4 erupts in flames and threatens to engulf Printing Press #5. Do you:

1) Run screaming from the building.
2) Quickly shift the print queues for Press #4 and Press #5 to Press #1 and Press #2, respectively, before attempting to extinguish the flames with the supplied red canister.
3) Send a typo-ridden email to 911 requesting assistance.”

I’d like to be the Chicken of Tomorrow, but how can I be more the Man of Today?

One of my co-workers just walked in and said, “I’ve got a bin full of raw chickens”.

I’ll bet no one ever walks in to your office and says anything like that.

We’re having tobacco salad with a light gin dressing

Can dogs eat spinach? Because the “work dog” is taking leaves of my salad. With the dressing.

Because it’s fly soup, sir, that’s why

I was reading a New York Times article online just now and there was a sidebar listing other articles of interest.

One of them said “Major can bread and vegetable soup”. I stared at that for quite some time, and wondered what the article would contain… a recipe with canned bread? Like that brown bread in a can? I looked again and it was under “Recipes For Health”. Why would a healthy recipe start with bread in a can?

Well, so it ended up being “Majorcan bread and vegetable soup”, which is clearly something entirely different.

Can you cash a hundred?

Man! Those 7-Eleven cashiers! When it’s the angry short lady and that grouchy short man, it’s always a disaster.

Today there was almost no coffee in any of the pots and the Help Yourself Station was hardly stocked. Neither of them were making more coffee or refilling the stuff. The lady was walking around with her tablet, checking inventory and the man was running the register. There was a Hugh Jass line of people waiting to check out and they all were apparently doing their weekly shopping, because they were buying multiple gallons of milk, loaves of bread, cans of Manwich, etc. The cashier was trying to bag all this stuff up and he asked the lady to help.

She grudgingly walked over to the other register and shouted, “Next!” and I stepped over to hand her my dollar. She looked at him and he said, “I could’ve taken that”. WTH? Why didn’t he, then??? Probably because he was bagging the milk and helping the guy in front of me who was STILL at the register!

I had to get the butter toffee coffee because that was the only one that had any in the pot. It was fine, but I’m worn out with those two cashiers.